The Train Wreck That Is Modern Dating and How To Fix It
I don’t know where to begin here. It’s a lot to unpack.
I’m not sure if it’s the pandemic pandemonium or there’s something in the water but the last two years of dating has been a circus. I posted on my instagram story (@Ryanpaulahnsen) how it’s left me traumatized and I got twenty repsonese confirming that it is, indeed a war out there when trying to date.
People sharing their personal experience and theories as to what is actually going on. The heartbreak, problems, the wtf moments.
I am no angel, nor am I 100% innocent, but I have been betrayed and lied too like you wouldn’t. Believe that I’ve been hit, kicked, bit, and so much more, in the pursuit of finding true love. Guys are supposed to be the tough one and I don’t want to sound emo but damn am I hurt.
It’s exhausting.
Here’s what’s happening and what to do about it.
- Ghosting is standard par for the course.
This has been the most shocking to me, as the past couple years, the amount of drop off the earth woman I’ve encountered is staggering. Conversation was good, and then bam they disappear. No words.
Could be an ex popping back up, something you said that was taken the wrong way (common via text), some social media digging, or a picture you posted they didnt quite like. Your guess is as good as mine. That or she just forgot about you. With all the ways we “communicate”, you can easily get lost in the sea of dm’s, snaps, and texts.
This use to bother me and I’d scartch my head, but I learned it’s about them and their own inability to commiucuate, not me.
See it as a blessing. Be thankful you don’t waste time on someone who lacks the ability to have an uncomfortable conversation. It’s cowardly and immature. You don’t want that shit.
2. Unlimited Options
I once went out with a girl who had 10,000+ matches on Tinder. I had an ex show me her DM’s and it made me sick at the amount of dudes who were trying to slide in. It was worse than I imagined.
I like competition but anyone who feeds off validation, especially from strangers, is bad news. I’ve been there and it’s a hole that will never been filled. In their mind, there is always the idea of “next”. They’re quick to look around when things arent at 100%. We become seduced by the fantasy of another person, forgetting they too have things that we’re not going to like. The old grass is greener.
You won’t ever get your 100% perfect match. You’ll get 80% and the other 20% is going to piss you off and probably drive you a little crazy. You have to figure out what 20% you’re willing to deal with and accept, while what 80% you’re not willing to waver on.
3. We’re distracted
I once went out with a girl who had to take ADD medication just to go on the date, as she later told me. She was so in her head. On anther night we hung out after, we met up after she had a few drinks and I realized she was way more fun. It occured to me, after we stopped talking, that I didn’t really know her. The few times we hung out, she was either drunk or medicated.
This is a mental issue, mostly brought on by modern technology and culture. If she has her phone in her hand most of the time on a date, it’s a red flag .You could be on in someone’s company and they’re not really there.
Date someone who values mental health. They vaulue meditation and therapy, over TikTok and alcohol.
4. Sex is easier than talking
I love sex, it’s one of life’s greatest pleasure, and I’ve actively participated in the modern hook up culture. Physical compatibility is important but now its far easier and almost more accepted to skip steps in getting to know someone and jump right into bed. That it just becomes THAT. Sure it’s fun but it can also block you off from real intimacy, a lost art.
We’ve lost our ability to communicate. We resort to physical vulnerability rather than emotional. I think we’re all hurt and we try to f*ck away our feelings. I’ve been blinded by good sex. Ask yourself: if sex was off the table, would you want to spend a day with this person? That will answer any question you might have about the validilty relationship.
What do now?
Damn dude, I don’t even know. Communicate, set boundadies, don’t tolerate bs, and buckle up. It’s a wild ride. Good luck out there. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I don’t see it getting better lol
